Understanding engagement party etiquette is a must if you are hosting, attending, or being honored at this pre-wedding celebration. When a couple gets engaged, it’s only natural for them to want to celebrate this major life step with their friends and family. An engagement party provides the perfect opportunity to kickstart a couple’s wedding era and surround themselves with the people who will celebrate with them in the months to come. However, engagement parties can come in many forms, and it’s important to know the nuances around who hosts the event, who ends up on the guest list, and what to wear to this pre-nuptial party.
To help us through the Ps and Qs of engagement party etiquette, we chatted with Lizzie Post, the great-great grandaughter of the manners matriarch Emily Post and author of Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette 6th Edition. Ahead, see all the answers to any engagement party questions you could ever have.
How Long After Being Engaged Should You Have an Engagement Party?
According to Post, there is no timeframe in place for when you can have an engagement party. You can host it right after the proposal occurs as a surprise event or a year later. She does note that it should happen before any other celebrations like a bachelorette or bridal shower take place. “It’s really the kickoff party to your engagement and everything that follows until the day of your wedding,” Lizzie Post shares. If you want to host a surprise engagement party right after the proposal, she does emphasize that you should be absolutely sure your partner will say “yes” so no one is flying out for a not-so-happy affair.
Who Hosts an Engagement Party
Once a couple gets engaged, they might be wondering who exactly can throw them an engagement party. “Typically, the bride’s parents have the first crack at it, but honestly, anyone who would like to throw this party should speak up and offer it to the couple,” shares Post. It’s also common for multiple people to come together to host the event, like both of the couple’s parents or a few close friends.
The etiquette expert does note that it is totally acceptable to throw your own celebration to celebrate with your friends and family. “I think it’s important that if you want one and no one’s offering to throw it, you can throw one for yourself,” she says. “It is very common for couples to host their own engagement party.”
Similar to a bridal shower, it’s also possible to have more than one engagement party if multiple people offer to host one. “It’s not uncommon for you to do a local engagement party for your friends and circle that are in your area, and then do a smaller, more family-oriented engagement party in your respective hometown,” explains Post. “You might end up with three, but it really depends.”
Who Pays for the Engagement Party
If you’re the one hosting the party, you’re paying for it—even if it’s to celebrate your own engagement. “You don’t ask for people to chip in,” Post says. However, if someone offers to help with covering costs as a gift after you have already sent out invites, it’s perfectly fine to accept their offer and have them help contribute to the celebration.
Who Is Supposed to Go to an Engagement Party
It’s important to be aware of the guest list guidelines for an engagement party before sending out invitations. Post says attendees should include your nearest and dearest who you want by your side in this special moment and throughout your wedding journey. “This is your inner circle and the people who are really present in your life right now,” says Post. She does emphasize that you should not invite anyone that you don’t intend to give an invitation to the wedding. “We just don’t invite people to pre-wedding parties if they’re not going to be invited to the wedding,” she says. Even if you intend to host a more intimate wedding celebration, it’s not an excuse to have your engagement party be filled with your B-List. “You don’t want your engagement party to be like the reception that wasn’t,” she says.
Do Guests Bring a Gift to an Engagement Party?
While it is a kind (and common) gesture for guests to bring a gift for the to-be-weds at their engagement party, it is not expected. Unlike a bridal shower, gifts are not a requirement for attending this event. If you do want to give something, you can choose an item off the couple’s registry if they already have one in place or something special that the couple can enjoy together. Gift-wrapped champagne flutes, monogrammed cheese boards, coffee table books, or even a thoughtful card can be a great plus one to bring along to the party.
How to Plan an Engagement Party
There are no rules when it comes to the formality, location, or setup of an engagement party. As you are planning the event, take cues from what the couple desires and what you can afford. The event can be a formal sit-down dinner with your family, a backyard cocktail party with live music, 100 guests, and catering, or a casual get-together at a bar with your local crew. Just ensure that there will be options for guests to drink or nibble on, as well as space for everyone to mix and mingle.
