It’s so easy to give people hell because they’re on TV when, if fans held up a mirror to their own life, they’d see a lot of situations that probably feel familiar. Maybe the hostility stems from people being uncomfortable with how real your show is.
I agree. I’ve seen comments that say, “If there were cameras at my house at midnight, you’d see me snapping at my man or him snapping at me.”
I want to ask a couple questions about your approach to style. On the show, it’s very signature. It’s like prairie-style dresses and puff sleeves, which isn’t particularly subversive, but people have had strong reactions. Has that always been your vibe?
I get a lot of criticism for it. After every single pregnancy, flowy dresses with puff sleeves and scrunch tops have been my go-to. Easy access to the boob for the baby, nothing tight around my belly, which is still a belly. And then, I get really self-conscious about my arms, so anything that can cover them up. That’s my go-to style for the first year after giving birth. Always has been. It just makes me feel safe in a body that doesn’t feel like mine.
I get it. People can be clueless.
Someone DMed me once and was like, ‘That’s not a good look on you.’ And I was maybe three or four months postpartum. I responded, which I normally don’t do, and said, ‘It’s the only thing I feel comfortable in while I’m freshly postpartum and breastfeeding.’ And she was still like, ‘Well, it makes you look worse.’ Come on. Do we not have grace for mothers?
Are you surprised to see people online digging deeper into the way you dress, saying it communicates things about your values, your marriage, or the kind of wife and mother you are?
Oh my gosh, yes. The “traditional wife” and all that. It makes me giggle when I see people assign a way of living based on a dress while I’m postpartum. Daniel and I have a modern millennial approach to our relationship and raising kids. We’re both very hands-on. There’s no ‘This is your role, and this is your role.’ We both work. We both bring in income. We both change diapers. We both get up at night with the kids. It feels very 50-50. I know there were moments where he was giving me a huff and a puff about whatever in San Diego, but we’re fully both all-in with the kids. There’s times where he does more than me in certain areas.
Hearing you talk about your intense martial arts training, there’s such a dichotomy there too. People can make assumptions because of a dress, but you’re also obviously physical and strong and the opposite of what they think those dresses signify.
Totally. You can be feminine and soft, and you can be strong and a badass, and you can do both. You don’t need to be put into a box. I love getting a good workout and lifting weights at the gym or going to a jujitsu class and figuring out the easiest way to get into a choke hold. And then, I love being gentle for my family. Both make life interesting. You don’t have to be one or the other.
