I’m the first to admit that I have somewhat nontraditional taste in men. An impressive and well-paid job? Ugh. Give me a freelance drummer any day! Yet the thing that possibly attracts me most isn’t their looks or their earning potential; rather, it’s their dynamic with their ex-partners.
As the daughter of parents who worked hard to remain positive about one another after their divorce, it may not be entirely surprising that I’m insanely into men who only have good things to say about their former spouses. Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez are frequently held up as an ideal of friendship after romantic entanglement; random old photos of them hanging out post-split frequently go viral on social media to this day. But hearing Affleck praise Lopez—as well as his ex-wife and co-parent Jennifer Garner—in a recent interview only served to revive my insane crush on him, giant phoenix back tattoo and all.
“To understand Jennifer Lopez, honestly, is to understand somebody who really is a pioneer, who did things when she was told they’re not possible and you’re not welcome, by [a] kind of force of will,” Affleck recently told Jorge and Paola Ramos on their podcast The Moment, going on to call Lopez “probably the hardest-working person that I’ve ever known.”
The thing that’s hot to me here isn’t just Affleck’s obvious respect for Lopez—it’s his specificity. Instead of just heaping empty platitudes upon his ex, he’s going out of his way to spotlight her ambition and professional tenacity.
And though I raised my eyebrow at Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin’s “conscious uncoupling” just as much as the next Goop skeptic, I have to admit that their bond remains inspiring to me nonetheless. Paltrow and Martin are parents to 22-year-old Apple and 20-year-old Moses, and I loved Paltrow’s summary of her relationship with Martin in 2015, just months after she filed for divorce: “It’s been hard, and we’ve gone through really difficult times, but we’ve always said these children are our priority. What that really means is, even though today you hate me and you never want to see me again, we’re going to brunch because it’s Sunday and that’s what we’re going to do.”
I don’t have kids with my own ex, but we do share a reactive Maltipoo rescue. If people like Paltrow and Martin or Courteney Cox and David Arquette—the parents to 22-year-old Coco—have managed to transform their former romantic relationship into something more polite and familial, why can’t we?
