I’m going to be perfectly honest: I have never seen the first Happy Gilmore, which you might think would affect my enjoyment of Happy Gilmore 2. But honestly…I’m not sure it did? Naturally, I have Travis Kelce’s Happy Gilmore baseball cap from Coachella at the top of my consciousness, but as it turns out, you don’t actually need to be a jock to appreciate this movie—you just have to appreciate the dulcet tones of Adam Sandler yelling. Done and done!
Below, find every thought I had (literally) while watching Happy Gilmore 2 on Netflix:
- I love when a movie starts with “My name is [title of movie].”
- So I’m gathering this movie is about hockey?
- Hey, it’s Julie Bowen!
- Whenever I see her, I can’t help thinking of the 30 Rock line, “Instead of losing a push-up contest to Julie Bowen to see who gets to play Kevin James’s mean wife that he’s sick of having sex with…”
- Four small boys? God help Happy Gilmore.
- Aw, first recorded Adam Sandler scream of the movie!
- Watching Sandler age in real time is crazy.
- Who the hell is Chubbs?
- Julie Bowen DIES?
- Aw, it’s Adam Sandler’s actual daughter Sunny, from You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah fame!
- Now that was a film.
- Damn, I want to be really good at ballet.
- And to be a Jeopardy clue, for that matter.
- Ideally, one that people actually get right.
- “We fight in the basement, not at the table.” LOL.
- Classic dead-wife dream sequence.
- Jesus, 300 grand for ballet school? I mean, my silly little creative writing degree was no cheaper, but that’s crazy.
- Hey, it’s Please Don’t Destroy! Or one member thereof!
- And…Margaret Qualley?
- And Eric Andre?
- Once again, I find myself spellbound by Sandler’s ’fit.
- Or is it just his general charisma?
- No, I think I genuinely like this Oxford shirt-sweats-baseball cap situation.
- Sooooo much golf.
- Why was my grandfather obsessed with watching this sport on TV?
- Aw, Carl Weathers!
- Uh-oh, Shooter McGavin seems to be getting out of prison.
- Oh, wait, never mind on that.
- Hey, it’s Sandler’s other daughter, Sadie!
- BEN STILLER, BABY! We are so back.
- Would I do well on Hot Ones?
- Probably not.
- There are plans for a new golf league afoot, but I don’t care so much about that.
- Aw, Happy is 30 days sober!
- Sooooo many ugly gold blazers. What is this, a suburban real estate firm?
- BAD BUNNY!
- Sandler’s beard color and texture are looking really good, I have to say.
- If being skilled at sports means you have to drink out of a funnel on the field, then I’m good, luv.
- God, I want to explain the rules of golf to Bad Bunny (not that I know them, but still).
- Honestly, I just want to have a conversation with Bad Bunny. It can be about golf, or literally anything else.
- Oop, Shooter’s back out in the world and scheming.
- Honestly, my first move post-prison release would also be to order a tall stack of fluffy pancakes in a fancy hotel room.
- Oh, no! The pancakes are courtesy of the evil golf league franchise!
- Aw, all these flashbacks to young Sandler are killing me.
- Always fun to have a major confrontation at Bob Barker’s grave.
- I love how loyal Happy’s constellation of meathead sons is.
- No offense, men who love this movie (or at least the original), but I’m bored.
- If I had one complaint about adult life, it would be that I’m rarely (if ever) lowered down onto a stage while wearing angel wings.
- Self-referential meta ’90s joke! Everybody drink!
- Okay, I see how playing golf in the snow might be nice and vibe-y.
- Not as nice as sitting around taking pictures in the snow for Instagram, but I digress.
- Ooh, someone got a Pepsi product-placement deal!
- Why am I weirdly stressed about the outcome of this fictional golf game?
- Happy wins!!!
- I mean, likely thing to happen in a movie called Happy Gilmore 2, but still.
- Aw, and his daughter gets to go to billionaire ballet school in Paris!
- Okay, well, that’s over.
- Never change, Sandler.
