Lisa confesses to occasionally flirting with Marion. “It’s nothing overly sexual, but there’s an unspoken energy between us. And I feel it—and I think he does too.” Charlotte posits that it’s probably a good thing, particularly because they’re working on a creative project together; it’s a connection. They write it off as “flirking”—see what they did there?—but later, after a moment of sexual frustration with her husband, Herbert, and then a strangely heated moment with Marion, Lisa is far too flustered to continue the charade.
In the real world, however, workplace crushes aren’t quite so melodramatic. Not only are they generally—for the most part, anyway—not a threat to your relationship, but in the right circumstances, they can even be a little healthy. They’re also incredibly common. “We spend a significant portion of our lives at work, often in high-pressure situations that can accelerate bonding,” explains Naomi Magnus, a psychotherapist and founder at North London Therapy. “When you mix proximity, purpose, admiration, and even a bit of stress-induced adrenaline, it’s easy to understand why feelings arise.”
“It gives me something to look forward to each day,” says Milly*, 27, who, despite being in a committed relationship, views her own workplace crush as vital. “We parked our Lime bikes next to each other the other day and I honestly left feeling like we were in love.” There’s a sense of camaraderie in it, too. “A lot of women in the office fancy this particular guy; we talk about how good he’s looking all the time on Slack. It’s almost like a bonding experience.”
For Belle*, 28, who is also in a long-term relationship, the office crush motivates her to make an effort each morning. “I choose my outfits especially carefully on the days when I know he’s going to be in,” she says. This is despite the fact she has absolutely zero intention of flirting with him; they barely speak. “It doesn’t matter,” Belle adds. “Just knowing he’s around and walking past him is enough to give me a pep in my step.”
In most cases, workplace crushes are fleeting and harmless and it’s important to view them as such. “We should understand them for what they are: a passing attraction, not a call to action,” says Magnus. Of course, they can slip into something a little more meaningful and subsequently problematic, depending on your relationship status and any hard-line policies in your HR department—or, indeed, if you end up being caught red-handed at a Coldplay concert.
