62 Thoughts I Had While Watching the Series Finale of ‘The Summer I Turned Pretty’

While I am wildly depressed about the lack of new The Summer I Turned Pretty episodes in my immediate future, at least we’ll always have Belly in Paris—and her inescapable boy drama. Below, find (quite literally) every thought I had while watching the series finale of The Summer I Turned Pretty:

1. “I’m Lola Tung, and this episode is presented by Coach.” Music to my ears!
2. I know Conrad just got off a transatlantic flight, but I still need him to wash his hair before seeing Belly.
3. To be fair, this is his usual depression ’do, though.
4. Okay, Belly with the bob and the hot guy on the motorcycle!
5. It’s more of a lob, I guess.
6. Conrad is sooooooo sadboy for just showing up in Paris and telling Belly: “If I didn’t catch you, I was just going to see some sights, walk around.” Oh, I’m so sure.
7. My colleague Michelle Ruiz is so right: skip Paris for no man. He’ll fly there if he wants you badly enough!
8. I love the concept of Jeremiah with a job.
9. Wait, he’s “Boston’s hottest up-and-coming chef”? Seems a bit like a stretch.
10. Aw, Conrad looped Jere in on his Parisian plans? Cute.
11. Denise’s curls are really curling today.
12. There really is kind of a vibe between Jere and Denise, right? Or am I just manufacturing romance where there’s none?
13. Taylor’s kind of giving CBK in her little white sleeveless top.
14. Oh, Champs-Elysees!
15. I have not been to Paris in about a decade, and when I was there I spent a lot of my time Frances Ha-ing (a.k.a. sleeping the days away on Ambien in my terrible little Airbnb), but I’m still nostalgic.
16. Note to anyone in my life reading this: Do not say to me “Let’s go see Jim Morrison’s grave.” I don’t care! Sorry! Take me to La Mutinerie instead!
17. Okay, Taylor is very justified to be mad at Steven, IMO. She moved to Boston for him! Boston! The worst city on the East Coast (fight me!).
18. I can’t even with Belly’s wonderful, fuckass-bob energy.
19. This is the hair of a woman who is dating not Conrad, not Jeremiah, but a secret third thing (the city of Paris).
20. Okay, I know I’m Team Belly and not really into either Fisher boy, but I love Conrad telling her: “Paris never stood a chance.”
21. We love a man who’s appropriately worshipful of a girl with wanderlust!
22. Taylor, do not get a cat with Steven. I repeat: do not get a cat with Steven.
23. He’s not wrong to “take a beat,” but I’m not sure Taylor’s wrong to call him a dick, either.
24. I will always have a soft spot for Steven because he dresses exactly like my boyfriend <3
25. Aw, baby nerdy Belly.
26. She and Conrad are sooo the stock Hollywood losers who took off their glasses and became beautiful.
27. Belly’s style has gotten an upgrade to go with her hair, I see.
28. This confused-ass straight American girl needs to hang out with her French lesbian friends more, IMO.
29. Oop, Benito on the scene.
30. Imagine having to compete not only with your own brother, but with a wildly hot dude who shares a name with Bad Bunny.
31. I love the meta nature of Belly’s friends drunkenly kiki’ing over who she should choose, Conrad or Jeremiah. They’re just like us, but in the TV!
32. Aw, Jere’s frat bros are literally becoming his waiters as he sits down at the table of success.
33. (I’m no Eric Adams fan, but you can’t deny he’s given us some syntactical bangers.)
34. Why does Taylor want Jeremiah to…cook oysters? I mean, broiled oysters are nice, but they’re almost always way better raw.
35. Jeremiah needs a copy of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents to page through, stat.
36. For that matter, maybe he and Conrad should both rent the audiobook on Libby and meet up on Zoom to discuss their insights.
37. OMG, I am soooooo vindicated about the Jeremiah/Denise vibes.
38. Or I think I am, anyway.
39. OMG, sand from Cousins in a little glass canister? As a birthday gift? This is so lesbian-coded of Conrad (complimentary).
40. “Nobody makes me do anything.” Go off, Taylor!
41. I mean, statistically, things probably aren’t going to work out with your college boyfriend. Sorry.
42. Ah, to be freshly 22 in Paris.
43. Actually, I’ve probably never been more depressed than when I was freshly 22 in Paris, but c’est la vie.
44. If anyone young and depressed is reading this: Go online right now and buy a ticket to the furthest place you can afford for as long as you can stay. No, your credit score might not thank you, but life is for living, and sometimes a new environment can jog you out of sadness better than anything else!
45. OR, you can pack your sadness sweats and take the opportunity to find out what depression junk food in Paris or Moscow or Dakar tastes like.
46. “You know you’re not the villain, right?” Well, exactly, Conrad!
47. Damn, Denise really throwing Conrad under the bus to flirt with Jeremiah.
48. Fair enough; maybe a girl who actively dislikes his brother is just what Jere needs to get over Belly.
49. Aw, I like these two together!
50. If, indeed, they are going to get together long-distance or whatever.
51. Conrad has admittedly been growing on me, but him calling sex “making love” is a one-way ticket to Barf City.
52. Belly and Conrad kissing to a Taylor Swift song? We are so back, it’s not even funny.
53. I am shuddering at how expensive this needle-drop must have been, but it’s well worth it.
54. Call me a hater/cynic if you must, but something about kids in their earliest of early 20s throwing around the word “forever” makes me itchy, no matter how romantic it’s all supposed to be.
55. Peeing after sex so as not to get a UTI…Belly Conklin, the wise and responsible woman that you are!
56. “I’ve changed everything about myself, and the one thing that never changes is that I love you.” Okay, wordsmith!
57. Belly, pull a Kelly Kapowski and choose yourself, IMO.
58. OMG, is she actually doing it?
59. Nope.
60. Aw, everyone’s happy 🙂
61. Despite the choice of the saddest possible Phoebe Bridgers song to play over the final scene 🙂
62. I will miss these crazy kids!