I like to think that love is self-evident: an exchanged glance, budding chemistry, the instinct that convinces you something meaningful is unfolding. Yet this is precisely what “Shrekking,” a new phenomenon emerging from the depths of TikTok, calls into question. Farewell to the search for Prince Charming—the term takes its name from Shrek, the lovable ogre from children’s literature (and Dreamworks Animation).
What Is Shrekking, the Relationship Trend Taking Over TikTok?
The idea is simple: abandon the pursuit of physical attraction in favor of a partner who is protective, emotionally available, and capable of building a stable relationship, much like the green giant himself. As laughable as it may seem on the surface, the concept reflects a deeper shift in the way we approach romantic relationships. Raised in the era of dating apps and situationships, Gen Z appears to be questioning the value of intense, emotionally turbulent romances. Instead, emotional security has become sexy. Someone who communicates their intentions clearly seems more attractive than someone perceived as elusive or unavailable.
Some see an early version of this trend in the iconic ’90s series Sex and the City. Charlotte York (Kristin Davis) is searching for the perfect husband when she falls in love with her divorce lawyer, Harry Goldenblatt. Charlotte does not find him attractive—worse still, she is embarrassed by him. “Do you know how lucky you are to be with me? Do you know what people out there think when they see us together?” she asks him. Yet Charlotte eventually marries Harry, in large part because of the kindness and devotion he shows her.
What complicates the comparison is that their relationship is not a calculated choice: Charlotte does not choose Harry as a fallback option. She genuinely falls in love with him, despite herself.
Photo: Courtesy Everett Collection©New Line Cinema/Courtesy Everett Collection
It is clear that Shrekking is a divisive concept. While some view it as a sign of emotional maturity, others fear that romantic relationships could become little more than rational calculations. The trend also relies on certain stereotypes. Those who embrace it often internalize the idea that dating someone less attractive than their ideal type will guarantee better treatment. It also reinforces a hierarchy of beauty, turning physical attractiveness into a kind of currency within a relationship.
Perhaps the better approach is simply to seek a partner who appeals to us in every way—someone who can meet our emotional, intellectual, and romantic needs. Isn’t true emotional maturity about valuing yourself enough to believe you deserve that?
