Ever since I was a little girl, I dreamed of recapping Ryan Murphy-industrial-complex shows for a living, and in the words of Anne Hathaway at the 2023 Oscars, it came true! This week’s episode of The Shards is titled “Murder on the Dancefloor” and was co-written and directed by Murphy, so my hopes were high for some frightening, fantastic, old-school mess. Below, find every thought I had while watching Episode 5 of The Shards.
- I’m so glad I’m watching this show on my AirPods in the middle of LAX instead of alone in my apartment at night.
- It’s scary, guys!
- “Disco? Dead.”
- Were people saying “fluidity” in the ’80s?
- I mean, probably not in regards to gender, but…at all?
- For that matter, did the concept of “being in your body” exist?
- Okay, Igby Rigby (or whatever his parents insanely named him) is a good dancer!
- I love the time-honored rhythmless-straight-guy concept of “pocket dancing.”
- I miss feathered hair.
- Should we bring it back?
- “Pastels are where the ’80s are headed.”
- Women who work the Sears counter being referred to as “pug dogs”…
- Ah, to be facing off in a dance competition against a girl named Cha-Cha.
- I love the way Jordan Roth’s Steven says “Pico.”
- Everything Susan and Debbie wear looks like something I would overpay for at a vintage store in 2026 Los Angeles.
- As ever, the needle drops on this show are flawless.
- Ah, the studio-lot scene.
- Economical to shoot on, I assume.
- Pregnant Barbie (or Midge, rather) erasure!
- My God, this perm on Wes Bentley…
- That was a rueful “My God,” not an enthusiastic one.
- This is all really giving that episode of Friends where Monica, Ross, and Joey do the televised dance show on New Year’s Eve.
- So much coke!
- My generation really missed out.
- “Hi, I’m Bret, I like Joan Didion and I want to be a writer.”
- Many such cases.
- Obsessed with Susan wanting to pursue a career “in the legal arts.”
- I crave Susan’s pink jumpsuit.
- The fringes of Debbie’s group seems like the safest place to be, maybe?
- Debra Winger mentioned!
- Cha-Cha drama!
- Liz voting against her own daughter in the dance-off…I love her.
- And it’s balanced out by her shitty husband voting for Debbie!
- Hey, now that I think of it, what’s up with Ivy Wolk in that cage?
- Are we going to get any update on that?
- I like how Thom’s pink cable-knit sweater matches this pink wall exactly.
- Dancing makes you gay, famously.
- Nobody has ever said “too cool for school” in earnest.
- Eek, the killer…called in to the dance contest?
- To kill someone?
- On the air?
- AHHH!!!!
- Homer and Kaia really do have crazy chemistry.
- Calm TF down, Thom.
- Eat the donut, Debbie! Let the soft animal of your body love what it loves!
- Briefly working in TV production has ruined me, because now when I see streamers falling in a scene all I think about are the people who then had to spend hours cleaning them up.
- Love to go out with some Depeche Mode.
- OMG! It’s Ivy!
- I mean, Rhonda!
- Oh, and she’s…not in good shape.
- Incredible Wolkian delivery of the line, “Did I miss the party?”
- Get well soon, diva.
