Greetings, The Shards stans! I am, once again, recapping a Ryan Murphy show at an airport (I live a glamorous, international life), and once again, I am grateful for the presence of a large number of German tourists around me so I don’t get scared. This week’s second episode, inventively titled “Homecoming Part Two,” is remarkably short and snappy; let’s dive in, shall we?
- God, beauty products were so cool in the ’80s.
- Makeover time!
- Unfortunately, the makeover victim-slash-recipient is Rhonda, and I’m a little scared of the outcome, mainly since we still don’t know the details of what happened to her in that serial killer’s basement cage.
- “You’re attractive, Rhonda!” Super-convincing.
- Eyelash curlers really do resemble tiny little torture devices, to be fair.
- Okay, good song choice.
- Aw, Rhonda looks great!
- Perm did equal “sex with anyone in a band” back then, to be fair.
- Oh, I’m addicted to Liz’s turban.
- Is Liz going to kill Rhonda so Debbie can be homecoming queen?
- Just spitballing here.
- Uh-oh, we’re off a bottle of Giorgio and back to “girly smell.”
- Just one vote for Debbie?
- Part for Coop?
- Sorry, I’ll take any excuse I can to reference that Cooper Hoffman quote, even if it’s not even kind of relevant.
- Since when is being a “frivolous and spiteful clown” a dealbreaker for a high-school homecoming queen?
- I do kind of trust Bret (which might be a mistake).
- Yay, Rhonda!
- Ooh, another telltale bottle of Georgio.
- What is this Friday Night Lights BS?
- Likely place for homecoming, I suppose.
- Another fab turban from Liz.
- And…Susan is homecoming queen!
- Debbie 🙁
- Rhonda 🙁 🙁
- That’s showbiz, I guess!
- Aw, and Susan gives the honor to Rhonda, because she’s a nice girl.
- Or trying to seem like one.
- SUSAN REYNOLDS KIDNAPPED RHONDA?
- Or so Rhonda claims!
- Into a hot mic!
- Wait, they’d just arrest her?
- With zero proof besides a traumatized girl’s word?
- I mean, I know it’s the LAPD in the ’80s and all, but I don’t buy it.
- Classic homoerotic locker shove.
- AHHHH!
- DECAPITATED HEAD IN THE SCHOOL TROPHY CASE!
- Wow, that episode was, like, less than sitcom-length.
- Fair enough, it’s time to board my flight!
