I greatly enjoyed Season 13, Episode 4 of American Horror Story, in which a bunch of famous and infamous women (Mamie Eisenhower! Margaret Thatcher! Eva Braun!) plummeted to their fiery deaths. So how did Ryan Murphy and co. follow that up? Below, find quite literally every thought I had about Season 13, Episode 5 of American Horror Story, titled “Date Night”:
- Ooh, a “You up?” text.
- Wait, but Handsome Home Health Aide’s girlfriend died in the crash, right?
- So who is this?
- Okay, yes, he’s haunted or whatever, but damn, this man can cook.
- Now why are lesbian potlucks in it?
- Babe, not teletherapy!
- I mean, I guess I do therapy via phone, but that feels different.
- This plane-crash scene is probably going to stick with me the next time I fly, in a way I already do not care for.
- Wait, so this hot lady is the sole survivor from her girls’ trip group?
- Wait, Xanax saved her life?!?
- This guy (Ben, I was just reminded) is/was way too good of a boyfriend for that basic girlie who was obsessed with the number 13.
- …Kira! Her name was Kira!
- Good chemistry between these crazy kids, I must say.
- Hooray, arguing lesbians!
- Ahh! Pig killer!
- This pig mask is truly crazy.
- Classic COVID-era porcine murder spree.
- Wait, so Ashley has survived the pig murder and the plane crash?
- I miss Jessica Lange.
- I feel like these two are about to have really good trauma sex.
- I was right!
- Is Ben’s pissed-off ex going to haunt him for sleeping with her friend?
- I mean, I would.
- We love a cursed surprise tramp stamp, don’t we, folks?
- Aw, poor Ben.
- The brand placement isn’t bad, though!
