‘The Real Housewives of New York City’ Is So Back! 60 Thoughts I Had About the Season 16 Premiere

I’ve been waiting what feels like my entire life for the Season 16 premiere of The Real Housewives of New York City, and although we’re down some major Season 15 players (including Ubah Hassan, Brynn Whitfield, Racquel Chevremont, and and my beloved Jenna Lyons), things are still popping—and quite gay!—on the show. Also: Carole Radziwill is back!

Below, find quite literally every thought I had about the return of RHONY:

1. Not this deeply unsubtle Love Story: John F. Kennedy Jr. & Carolyn Bessette reference in Carole Radziwill’s first VO!
2. Honestly, this is the shit I live for.
3. Carole really said “Leave me out of it, Ryan Murphy…but I won’t leave you out of my Bravo return.”
4. Oh, and she’s typing on a laptop while VO-ing, just like Carrie Bradshaw!
5. I love the beating heart of female culture (a.k.a. this show).
6. MARTHA?!?
7. “I want to look prettier than any of those other girls at the lunch today.” Exactly, bitch.
8. OK, so Daisy is Martha Stewart’s makeup artist, but they also go to the United Arab Emirates together a lot?
9. And Daisy and Sai worked at Scores (RIP) together?
10. But were not strippers?
11. No shame in that game even if you were, ladies!
12. Okay, so far we’ve gotten a plug of Love Story the book, not the show (shade!) and of Carole’s memoir What Remains.
13. And then we get Martha basically saying she told JFK Jr. not to take the flight that tragically killed him, his wife, and his wife’s sister?
14. This show always makes me think of the following 2023 Eric Adams quote: “New York. This is a place where every day you wake up you could experience everything from a plane crashing into our Trade Center through a person who’s celebrating a new business that’s open. This is a very, very complicated city, and that’s why it’s the greatest city on the globe.”
15. Never show Martha Stewart a store-bought pie. She’ll drag you.
16. It kind of is true that the worst homemade pie is often better than an expensive store-bought one, in my experience.
17. Then again, I live alone and have infinite time to bake.
18. Aw, Sai’s puppy is so cute!
19. My puppy (who is currently lying on the couch gnawing my hand) looks interested in him.
20. Sai calling out Jessel’s holiday pine candle re-gift…girl, just take it.
21. In my culture (Jewish/LA woo), we never look askance at a free candle.
22. God, Sai has yelled at Jessel so much.
23. I mean, I would probably also sometimes be tempted to yell at Jessel, but still!
24. Hmm, they’re pals now?
25. I love that the snobbiest Brit Sai can think of is Peppa Pig.
26. Oh no, Sai’s marriage is in trouble!
27. Her husband always seemed boring to me, TBH.
28. I’m glad Sai is apologizing for saying Jessel and Pavit “don’t have a connection,” because that was truly bananas, even if she was going through it personally.
29. Honestly, I did not miss Erin.
30. I’m into this wacky new cast member Hailey, though!
31. She dated Jon Gosselin?
32. And is in a lavender marriage?
33. In the immortal words of Jemima Kirke: “What the hell, sure.”
34. I’m going to rebrand my studio apartment as “my pied-a-terre,” Hailey-style.
35. Of course this woman lives off of energy drinks and protein bars.
36. “I date women, but I can’t date other men.” Hmm.
37. Clearly my fears that RHONY wasn’t going to be a source of insane gay stories anymore without Jenna & Co. was unfounded, because this story about how Hailey broke her nose…phew.
38. Pavit! My guy!
39. Jessel describing his work as “more food and less influencing” is a huge vibe, to me.
40. Jessel’s hair looks great.
41. Aw, I’m sad she lost her dad.
42. I think I kind of love Daisy.
43. “This is coming home with me, I don’t care how much it is” —ancient Bravo proverb
44. LOL at Daisy trying to buy this jacket that’s already been purchased online and this gay guy at the store simply not having it.
45. “Such a pleasure, ladies,” has never sounded so shady.
46. Can’t really read Erika’s vibe yet, to be honest.
47. Yay, sapphic plus-one drama!
48. “Pretty girls don’t eat”…?
49. 🙁
50. I love watching Real Housewives try to backtrack when they’re very obviously caught gossiping.
51. “I was as high as a JetBlue flight” is absolutely entering the lexicon, I fear.
52. I forgot we’re well into the Year of the Fire Horse.
53. Chanel Ayan voice note!
54. “Just pay attention to that bitch” also going in the lexicon.
55. Okay, I appreciate the honesty of Erin admitting she was talking shit: “I was with a bunch of f*cking Housewives! What do you expect?”
56. Love to see Jessel standing up for herself a bit, although kicking Erin out of her party is a tad dramatique.
57. Via the event-space owner, no less!
58. In the words of Bob Odenkirk: “My little women.”
59. I missed this show!
60. And I’m probably leaking gray matter from my brain after one episode!